Woman Not As Fun-Loving And Carefree As Pom-Pom On Winter Hat Would Suggest

CLEVELAND—In a shocking revelation that upended all expectations about her disposition, sources confirmed Friday that 34-year-old Katie Lorenz was not almost as jovial or lighthearted because the pom-pom on her winter hat would seem to counsel. “When I first saw that fuzzy round tuft sprouting from her hat, I got really excited because I assumed she was a free spirit like me—but it seems this particular dash of whimsy belies a deep seriousness in her nature,” stated native man Ryan Sykes, who described how the preliminary enthusiasm he felt as he rushed over to say hi there was shortly undercut by the lady’s sudden confusion and clean stare. “I smiled, pointing to her fun hat and then to my fun, bright-colored socks, but her only response was to say, ‘Do I know you?’ I have to be honest, if she’s not the spontaneous and quirky kind of woman the pom-pom would make you think she is, then wearing that hat is awfully misleading on her part.” At press time, Sykes had reportedly perked up once more after noticing the sequins on Lorenz’s mittens.

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