World Wildlife Fund Apologizes After Years Of Working With Well-Known Whale Pedophile

GLAND, SWITZERLAND—Confirming it had severed all ties to the disgraced 30-ton marine mammal, the World Wildlife Fund issued a proper apology Friday wherein it acknowledged having labored with an grownup whale recognized for sexually abusing juvenile members of its species. “Though we cannot change the past, we would like to say how sorry we are to all the calves victimized by the heinous actions of a humpback whale that for years appeared regularly in our promotional materials,” WWF president Pavan Sukhdev mentioned in reference to the mature male cetacean that reportedly groomed struggling underage whales for intercourse with its loud, hours-long vocalizations and beneficiant provides of krill. “This whale’s conduct is abhorrent and completely antithetical to the mission of our organization. While we had no idea it was a serial sex offender, we take full responsibility and have begun the process of reaching out to the many victims it has left across an 8,000-mile stretch of the North Pacific.” WWF officers additionally said they’d partnered with Japanese whalers to make sure the humpback pedophile would instantly be hunted down and run via with a harpoon.

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